The Slow Match Report: Haddington Athletic 1 Auchinleck Talbot 4

The Road to Hampden started in East Lothian - with sunshine, sky-high sourdough and a Size 5 taking a serious battering

The wheelbarrows were out in sunny Haddington, each one of them crammed with flowers. They formed part of a trail through town, pleasantly cluttering verges and leading the way to today’s East Lothian Flower Show with its keenly contested prize vegetable competition. If this was where the road to Hampden began, it felt as if it would be rude to drive upon it in anything other than a vintage tractor.

In their bumble bee stripes, Auchinleck Talbot supporters swarmed around town. Some shook their heads at the price of sourdough bread from the German bakery – “I think I saw a Greggs back there, Tam” – and others found bistro pints down by the river. It was all very different from last Saturday and Drumchapel United away.

Soon, 3pm hovered near. Strolling by the Oriental Garden and stomping over fields, those visitors approached Millfield Park, home of Haddington Athletic, The Hi-Hi’s. From somewhere beyond the mulberry bushes a Tannoy voice welcomed one and all to this Scottish Cup tie, those last three words pronounced with a flourish as if capitalised.

Some paid their entrance money at a hatch, others to volunteers manning a trestle table. Children sold matchday programmes and behind one goal a refreshments gazebo had been installed. Locals greeted each other by the 50/50 lotto shed and caught up on gossip.

Teenage Talbot ultras donned their costumes of black-and-yellow balaclavas and lit flares, a procession group without a float. Here was village fete football, perfect under a bulging sun. “Mon the fuckin’ Bot” howled one of the teens in an accent so deeply Ayrshire that it deserved a place in the Rabbie Burns Museum. It undermined the bucolic idyll somewhat.

Early on, Talbot - strong favourites today - dominated possession but with little consequence. One early shot looped over the bar and seemed in its trajectory to belly flop into the dense topiary behind the goal.

The Hi-Hi’s responded, passing well even if the spongy Millfield pitch made the ball roll like a Malteser flicked across a rug. Around the quarter-of-an-hour mark, energetic forward Tom Davies was presented with a free-kick 25 yards from goal. The cameraman on a wooden gantry panned in. Davies saw headlines, glory, perhaps an expensive German rye bread being named after him.

He skipped towards the ball. His foot wound back and then thrust forward, just like in last night’s dream. But Davies struck the Size 5 as if not wanting to upset it. His shot was so low when it reached Talbot keeper Corey Armour that he seemed to excavate it from the ground.

Talbot perked up and soon scored, Kyle McAvoy utilising the spongy turf to bounce a downward header in, just as a pinball wizard might use certain parts of the table. The ultras and those hundreds who had travelled gave their cheers.

The Hi-Hi’s response was plucky if unfortunate. First, right-back Corey Robertson took a shot from distance which floated off into the woods behind the goal like a dandelion pappus in the breeze. Then, Seamus Russell found himself through on goal only for an offside flag to ruin the mood. Russell wore the forlorn look of a man remembering he’d gone away for the night and left the central heating on.

When the home side did threaten they met resistance, in particular from Talbot centre-half Neil Slooves. Despite frequently displaying the insouciant demeanour of a tough lad at school leaving the hall in the middle of an exam, Slooves was excellent. It seemed like only the sublime might breech the visiting goal and so it proved: quite unexpectedly, Athletic winger Luke Kennedy thwacked home a left-footed shot from 25 yards. 1-1, and the village gala had its carnival King.

Short of a mayor or other local dignitary to do the honours, referee Michael McCart was asked to perform the half-time 50/50 draw. Amusingly, McCart’s two linesmen flanked him as he plucked a number from the bag, perhaps ready at any moment to flag and overrule his ticket choice.

McCart was busy again before the second half proceeded, diligently ensuring that Tom Davies’ low socks were not too low. Just as it seemed as though a Tannoy request for a tape measure would have to be made, the pair reached an amicable truce and the game restarted. It was the kind of scene possibly now unfolding over the road at the horticultural festival, where the giant marrow contest would be reaching its thrilling climax.

The Hi-Hi’s began the second period well, now surely believing the game could be won. They matched Talbot for better and for worse; both played at a breathless pace, but neither strung together more than three or four continuous passes. Similarly, the sides’ goalkeepers were strenuously committed to absolutely weltering their kicks high into the air.

Playing out from the back was for some other place at some other time. I became convinced that both were trying to land the ball in the disused mill chimney (below) that looms just outside the ground. Altogether, it made for an entertaining spectacle in the same genre of watching someone run for a bus and then miss it.

Either team might have scored their second, but it was Talbot who did – a thumping, resounding side-footed finish from Connor Boyd. Now, suddenly, his side played like the favourites. The Hi-Hi’s wilted. Boyd scored two more. His second was an easy stroke home after Athletic defenders dilly-dallied; the hat-trick arrived courtesy of a one-on-one easily conquered.

In the late afternoon sun, locals shrugged their shoulders and smiled their goodbyes. At least they still had their wheelbarrows. Next in the cup for Talbot, Albion Rovers in Coatbridge – sourdough bread status: unknown.

Enjoy Daniel’s writing? Next month, Nutmeg - in partnership with award-winning publishers BackPage Press - are bringing out a photo essay book by Daniel and photographer Alan McCredie. In this elegant print documentary, the two follow the 150th year of the Scottish Cup (across season 2023-24) from hamlet to Hampden